Past,Present,Future

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like Confession.One word:GO!

Such as we lost out on our ONLY chance to buy a home,but we ended up moving to a quiet,peaceful borough that my husband thoroughly loves. We even went from an 800 sq foot home to a 1k foot home. We enjoy a beautiful summer breeze almost every single day.Our local Catholic church even has 2 icons. I didn’t think i’d ever live to see the day.

Our neighbors are good people and the grocery stores are but a 15 t0 20 minute drive from here. 
We definitely have more advantages than any disadvantages.Thankful to God for what we do have now.Our loss of home and hometown turned out to be a good thing;although if my parents or  parent were still living we would never have moved. I wouldn’t have done that under any circumstances. We were afforded the opportunity to be with them. Most in our family were not.They were tied down to employment in a given area and another tied down to the military.We were the only 2 who were ABLE to be there on a regular basis.You can think that losing a home is a terrible thing and it felt that way at time;we had our hearts set on it.In the end it all worked out for the better,except for the great loss of my parents.

Dad had Parkinson’s. I watched him go downhill.I was not greatly shocked when mom called to say he had passed. Mom had beaten cancer(several times)and the doctor’s had given her an all clear. She was suddenly getting ill but nobody caught it. She called me one day and said she had been sick all night.I told her i was concerned about dehydration and she should go to the ER. She did. They caught the cancer. By this time though i think it was just too late. They should have caught it sooner.She had her heart set on going to see her grandson and the kids. It’s all she talked about. We didn’t think she should make the trip without a friend. She never made it at all. Mom’s death was a shock. It sounds odd for me to say that but if you could have seen how she was doing you would  never have thought she was ill,let alone cancer. She died of heart failure. i think losing dad was very hard on her. Her sudden death was a shock to me.I have had a hard time getting over it still.I don’t think you ever REALLY get over the death of a  parent,spouse or child.

I owed it to them to be there.We lived across the street from them for some time;but we also discussed that if anything ever happened to both of them we would move again.The apartment was very small and very hot in the summer. The location could not have been better and compared to where we had lived and the other apartment we MIGHT have taken; it was fine. It was a place to live.From our bathroom i could see the tulips in their front yard. Yes,we were that close.i always joked we could have put a line and pulley from a window and went over there in 2 seconds flat.

I remember someone asking me why we lived so close to them. It was simple. They needed help at the time. The closer we were the better.I consider it God’s providence that we ended up there.

My husband and i now face that time in our life when it feels like it’s flying by quickly.Something you don’t feel when you’re young. When you realize all the things you should have done and should not have done and things you wish you had done and not have done-you wish you could turn back the clock and redo.

I posted an article that refers to the ‘feeling’ as the proportional theory.

Read here https://therasberrypalace.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/yes-time-speeds-up-as-we-get-older-its-called-the-proportional-theory-best-of-the-web-aleteia-org-worldwide-catholic-network-sharing-faith-resources/

Happen to believe it too.When you get a chance, read it. See what you think.

Husband mentioned today that he wishes i wouldn’t talk about topics such as age(or anything related)because it honestly makes him depressed.I had no idea.It wasn’t the intent. I got his point and was sorry  i made him feel that low.Thankful he decided to actually talk to me about it. He is a man who keeps his deeper thoughts private. We communicate very well most of the time. The one time i wish he wouldn’t is when i’m trying to watch the news and he starts commenting through the whole program. He gets as riled up as i do about liberal guests but i do try to listen.Not the husband. You have to know what the enemy is thinking,right? We are thinking about doing some podcasts together in the near future. Stay tuned for that one!

As for the future this week;we are going to be on our toes-if i have my way-Tues because of what i read in  the NOAA CONVECTION REPORT.

We’ve had some gorgeous days,but the fluctuations are crazy.One day was like spring and the next we went right back to winter [a light snow].I read that Tues NIGHT-the worst time-we may be in for some dangerous super cells. Yes, i went to the Convection report because the Weather channel brought up a severe report for Tuesday.If you want details the Convection Report gets into details. If you want to see the chances for severe weather the Convection Report is pretty accurate.

As for the past i try to leave most of it there. It does no good to dwell on what we can’t undo.If only i had been wiser,had listened, respected my parents more. All true. 

As for the present-here we are.

I have a cordial relationship with my brother and think the world of him.I just wish i were able to see him.Since mom passed away we don’t have that chance anymore.

As for my grandchildren-i think in total i spent maybe  2 days total (if that)with them since they were born and none when they were infants. The last time i saw either of them was when Dad passed away. i wasn’t allowed when they were small but mom permitted me to see the grand daughter maybe once or twice secretly(to keep the peace).Unfortunately when you know that you’re given permission as an after thought you wonder why you even went there in the first place.Mom meant well but it took the joy out of the moment.

I know for a fact i will never be speaking to my son again. He made it clear.I respect his wishes. He’s  a grown man & entitled. My husband has been thoughtful and considerate about the situation.I never gave him the details or discussed the conversations my son and i had;they’re private.They will go with me to the grave.Husband has a good idea of where it stands anyway and has helped me through it immensely.i spoke to our priest in confession about it too and he encouraged me to accept it and pray.He wouldn’t know any of these people from a hill of beans(he doesn’t even know their names)so i knew with the anonymity of the confessional i could be honest with him-and get good counsel.


Grand Daughter has become a beautiful young lady. She still loves animals. I kind of figured. I hope she does well in school,keeps a good head on her shoulders(seems to)and is discerning about who is a good friend and who is not.I hope she has some good Christian friends because there is a lot of nonsense going on among young people-even worse than when we were growing up. We had some terrible influences back when too.It’s taken a down hill trajectory from there. i worry about that ,so if she has some good Christian friends they may have an influence on her. 

Mom and dad gave us a good foundation.You can’t escape it forever.Sooner or later we come back. 

My biggest downfall is a super temper. i pass the test for quite awhile then suddenly lose patience. The one thing you can’t do is act one way and preach another(doesn’t work).

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